Dear Love # 9 February 6, 2016

Dear love,

I hate when nostalgia comes in a kicks you in the ass? Do you ever feel that way? When the wall of your life you’re planning, sweating, working, and taking a physical shape in your life. When all the sacrifice, distance, and lonely nights wrapped in cold sheets seem without a doubt worth it. You get to be together with the person who truly gets you, sees your flaws, accepts them, and still says you’re beautiful. At the end of the road you traveled and you’re weathered, weary, this person is like the hot shower and cup of warm tea made your mama. Then in one sentence ” I don’t see a future with you anymore” comes in as the proverbial wolf. You’re just this little piglet building a house of straw instead of bricks and everything you thought you had built is scattered around you. What is a person to do? In the multitude of possibilities, you get back up, and try to pick up all the pieces. I’m at a job where I am finding my niche, my bestie is back with me, I’m back in the gym (to really commence this week), and plans are forming in my brain for a big decision. Not to be disclosed publicly for the moment. Things are taking shape again, although it’s shabbier and patch-worked at the moment.  They say pictures are worth a thousand words…..well then I have this times over 100. Looking through memories that are truly new as I never looked at them before. See your reflection in that glint in my eye and the adventures we had. It’s not everyday you slip and fall buck naked in a public spa and feel confident enough to look that person in the eye again. 😀 This is nostalgia kicking your ass, as a “take that- POW! right to the kisser” from life. I was just opening up to the idea of being single again. I’ve been on a few dates even. But it isn’t right yet. I can’t let someone in again, at least not at the moment. I am alright with this and ultimately I am good. I want to make this shift in gear on my own. The decisions I am making now WILL impact my future so many unknown ways, and regardless of how battered and stitched my heart and ego may be currently, I need to transform into a warrior. It is time to walk the walk and be selective in who I allow into my bubble of interactions with because the impact will so much more than an awkward date where I am imagining a chin cleft that should be there and it’s not. How this can’t transform my concept of you in my mind because your hair is too different and the accent isn’t the same. So for now I will bring out my bricks and cement, put on my work clothes and bring it! I am giving a shrug to that wolf because if I did the work once, I can do it again. I will be proud of the life I am creating for no one else but myself. I will do this publicly for I am not ashamed to take a stand for me and I will do it with love in my heart for the world. I have a plan in my head to help spread happiness (hopefully) so when that project gets started, I will let people know. But for now, let me just say, that I love you still and YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Beautiful in so many delightful ways and you must begin to find the truth in statement. There is beauty in the perfect, the slightly worn, the discarded, and the forgotten. You just need the filters that allow you to see it.

 

from the Hunter,

 

Artemis

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