This word is shrouded is negativity, degraded as something that is seemingly weak and unattractive. But I have to disagree. Everyone at one point in their lives has missed someone. There has been a moment that you’re alone and something amazing happens and you get that pang in your heart, the time when you desperately wish you weren’t alone. That you could share this experience with another person. On the flip side of this coin is the moment when something heartbreaking happens and you are alone at that time. Admitting to yourself that you feel lonely doesn’t make you desperate or worthless. It makes you HUMAN. We are social creatures by nature. We like to be together, for the most part, and do things together. At this admission, there are a couple of choices you can make that, in my opinion, determine your strength and perseverance.
First, can you admit it to yourself. So often, men and women alike, are told that emotions are for the childish. Grow up. Be strong. Be a man. Don’t cry. I’ve met people who would never admit to being lonely in their entire lives. I call BULL on that! If that were true, you’d be one sad emotionless person. So just be honest and realize that loneliness is just a part of life.
Next, is the choice of what you do once you admit that you are lonely.
I think that you need to embrace it. Solitude is also a part of life, however it is not stigmatized as much as loneliness. Enjoy your solitude. Find something YOU can do that makes you happy. In the end, if you can’t be happy spending time with yourself, then most likely there is a deeper issue, and it will be difficult to find life long friends and partners who enjoy spending time with you as well. Shortly after my divorce I never really wanted to be alone. I need the positive energy of others in order to keep my own negative emotions at an even level. But then I came to realize that this was solving my problems or making me more fulfilled, it was a band-aid. A temporary high that went away as soon as I closed the door and was again alone. Now I try and find a time for solitude, even if it involves waking before the sun comes up to drink my coffee in peace and read a short story. I’ve always loved going to the movies alone and even eating alone isn’t a problem for me anymore. I like finding new interesting hobbies that can transfer from a solo hobby to a group activity with ease.
The opposite can happen as well and it isn’t nearly as pretty. Abusing yourself in order to escape your loneliness. This comes in a multitude of behaviors from drugs to being angry and pushing people away, which becomes a catch-22. You push them away because you aren’t happy and then you’re not happy because those people aren’t there. Your reaction to your solitude is of utmost importance for a happy and healthy life.
If you feel lonely, think about it. Are you truly alone in this world? Is there no one that cares for you? I live thousands of miles away from a majority of my friends and family, yet I know I can always count on them if I really need them to give me an ear or a shoulder. Otherwise, find a way to accept that at that moment, you’re alone. Be happy with who YOU are. In the end, we are all in life together, so don’t feel like your the only one who has ever felt this way.
Be positive, Be healthy, Be grateful, and Be HAPPY!