Me first

So I am back. I’ve not written in a little bit, but hopeful that I will make more of an effort to do so now. It’s been a rough little while here, but slowly the clouds are parting. I’ve been feeling such intense emotions, almost like grief, but the fog is beginning to lift and I noticed, yet again, that I am forgetting me. I am forgetting that ultimately I live within my body, day in and day one, and will until I am no longer present on this Earth.

It’s such a natural state for me to take care of others. Whenever the opportunity arises, I am typically there with a helping hand, even if I am so tired, so anxious, so everything else in that moment. I procrastinate, but typically when it comes to self-care. Why do people do this?

After my marriage ended, my journey of self-discovery really highlighted the need to put me first and remember that I need to be my number one supporter in life. I need to project myself positively, love me, take of me, so that I can really do what I love: take care of others. And I accomplished a lot. I am more kind to myself, and more aware of how I need to care for myself, and why it is immensely important to do so.

But it also so easy to forget.

This month marks one year that I split with Thomas, and maybe I am punishing myself for an unknown offense, like it was my fault entirely for the break-up. I wasn’t “enough” for him to want to make it work. Yet, I also know, when I think objectively, that this thinking is nothing but bullshit. haha.

So we go back to where I began 6 years ago. I am going to back to loving me, dating me, taking care of me. Remembering that I am enough, and that I deserve far more than I have been giving myself. That I am a person who needs daily care and first and foremost this care needs to come from me.

I love you all, and I am not going to forget or “NOT HELP” you, but if I go on radio silence for a while, this is the reason. I need to feel whole, happy, content, and productive in my day in order to find the energy to help you and not feel like I need to sleep for 100 years like Mr. Van Winkle.

 

Keep in touch and I hope all have a positive and safe holiday and New Year!

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